i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
