you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
