Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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