That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize