Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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