I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
