I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
