Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
