i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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