At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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