he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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