can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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