I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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