I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize