im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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