why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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