my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
