Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
