I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
