in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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