Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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