Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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