Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
