Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
