She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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