I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
