it hurts more in the daytime
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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