if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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