you guys were way drunker than both of me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
