i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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