we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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