That's intense
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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