you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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