I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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