We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
