I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
