remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
