I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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