Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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