There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
