Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
