Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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