i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
