There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
