dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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