Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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