): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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