Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
