he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
