Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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