She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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