You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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