I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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