Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
