i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
