I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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