my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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