just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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