So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
