we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize