hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drake has all the answers
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