I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize