Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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