Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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