Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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