Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
