I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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