When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
