I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it because I queefed?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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