he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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