your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
