Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
