I never want to see another naked old woman again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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