Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
