We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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