Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
