you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
